Dawn of the Red

Greetings and Salutations, people of the interwebs!

     I hope you all have enjoyed this wonderful month of May, and are looking forward to rocking our upcoming month of June! There is something magical about the summertime, I've always loved the late night walks, the fireflies, bonfires, and the many festivals. There's only one thing I dread about summertime... Swimsuits!

     Aside from the fact that I can not swim (I know, I know I'm lame), I do enjoy a relaxing dip in a pool of no more than 5 feet deep. The weight gain that I've experienced has caused swimming to be even less enjoyable for me. I've been here before though, I was 16 before I wore a bikini, and not even both pieces, I wore the bikini top with mens trunks (I only got that far with the encouraging words and support of a friend, the wonderful Miss Heather.) I harbored so much shame and resentment towards my body, because it wasn't what I believed to be beautiful. I wasn't as small as some of my friends and that fueled a cycle of self-loathing that I still struggle with today. There are days that I cover up the mirror as I get ready because I honestly can not deal with looking at what has happened to my body. There are days when my husband tells me I'm beautiful, and I can only smile. While I know he is sincere, my head can not comprehend that. I turn the word "beautiful" over and over in my head until it doesn't even sound like a word anymore, and I try to associate the word with me, but I can't because I never can see my self as good enough, worthy, beautiful.

     While my blog is about winning my health and body back, I feel like an important part of that is loving yourself. I harbor so much resentment towards myself for things I've done in the past, when everyone else seems to have forgiven me. My journey through June is to learn to forgive and love myself, no matter what I look like, no matter what I have done. I would like to invite you guys to do the same! Make a list of the things you like about yourself, look in the mirror and tell yourself what you like. Fall in love with your talents, your hobbies, with the way your eyes glow when you find something you're passionate about. Let's learn to love ourselves together, the world my be a happier place if we can all learn to be comfortable in our own skin. Have a happy June, everyone!

Night of the Living Red

Greetings all you beautiful people!

     First off, allow me to apologize for being 27 hours late with this post. I don't have any other reason for the delay than, I'm tired.

     I must say, the worst part of PCOS (aside from cramps) is being tired. Some days are harder than others, but every day I push through are victories! There have been days in the past that I've chose to cancel plans, to call in, or just stay in bed all day. On those days, I am so disgusted with myself and as odd as it sounds, I'm glad I feel that way. The fun part of being me is I alternate between perfection and procrastination. If I can do something, it will be done perfectly, to the finest detail. If I do not feel I can do something, I will put it off as long as possible until I find away to do it that suites me. The fact that I'm disgusted by not being productive and not pushing myself means I'm growing. Which brings me to my next topic...

     

     I am not a "runner." The photo of me above was taken almost a year ago and it perfectly sums up my running experience. I would constantly goof off and try to make whoever I was running with laugh so I could get out of it (have you ever tried to laugh while running? It's impossible!) My hopes are that now that I am seeing this growth in myself, that I'm actually getting tired of my own shenanigans, that I can go at this again and take it seriously this time. I know I won't start out running, I'll walk, sprint, jog, but it is important for me to have this goal. All you happy people on the internet can hold me accountable, by my month of August post I want to be able to share with you how it felt to run a mile.

     My post is a bit short this month, but check back May 30th for more updates on my journey of winning back my health and body!

Stay fabulous!

Half The Battle

Good day to all you lovely people out there on the interwebs!

     I'm not really sure how to start this, so let me begin by sharing my story. My name is Misti. I'm a Teaching Assistant, a Children's Minister, and a wife. My story is pretty typical, I got married 10/2011 and started to put on a little weight. I thought nothing of it, I figured it was happy fat from being in a comfortable and loving relationship. August 2012, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Sitting in the doctors office after having a cyst burst, listening to them explain PCOS was weird. I couldn't get my brain to feel anything except utter indifference. From then on, I lived my life pretty much the same, just with added medication. Mind you, my lifestyle was not healthy. Most days, nay, every day my husband and I would stop by some greasy fast food joint for dinner. Dinner was usually the only meal I'd eat, so adding that to the PCOS and greasy food my weight was only going up as my metabolism went down. I gained 50 lbs. in August 2014, and shrugged that off as the PCOS and my lifestyle. On a chilly day in November, I noticed something wasn't right. I had started lactating from my left breast. I don't have any kids, and it freaked me out so much that I convinced my self that I had just spilt something on myself (makes sense right?). This went on for a while until finally, in late April, I had had enough. My family doctor sent me to have a mammogram and an ultrasound of my breast, and also an MRI of my head. When the test came back, I knew something was wrong. My doctor wanted me to come into the office instead of telling me on the phone. She said I had a pituitary tumor. This time I wasn't that indifferent, I can't really describe what I was feeling. I was relieved that it was benign and not cancerous, but still scared. I didn't know what this would mean for me.

     So, here I am. As it turns out, all it meant was more medication. My doctor decided the best option for me was to shrink the tumor, rather than resort to surgery. This is my journey to win back my body and my health. I've started a blog before and soon forgot it after the first post. I've made plans to be healthier, lose weight, and take my medication like I'm supposed to and failed. But, this time is different. I realize now that I only failed because I gave up after one mistake. This time I'm not going to quit after a mistake, I'll just try my best to do better the next day. I've been thinking about my high school days, about how I lost a bunch of weight by becoming a vegetarian. In those three years that I was a vegetarian I felt great, I had more energy. While I still may go back to being a vegetarian, I am first going to try a pescatarian diet. For those of you that may not know, a pescatarian is one who does not consume meat, but does eat fish and seafood. I am also a Pinterest freak, and have found a beginners work out for me to do to get things started. So far, the steps that I've taken to better my body and my health are being more strict when it comes to my medication and I've started using this Progessence Plus oil that my sister-in-law got me.

     This stuff is AMAZING! You can get it from Young Living. I've been using 3-4 drops a day on my neck for a month and my cystic acne is clearing up, my hormones aren't as crazy, and I think it's the cause of my cramping becoming less painful. If you have PCOS I highly recommend this! As I come to an end here, I just want to say that as well as becoming healthier, I am doing this to get my confidence back. I have always suffered from anxiety, but it became worse after I lost my self esteem and eventually my faith in myself. It's funny how you take less care of yourself when you feel bad about yourself. It's an endless cycle, but cycles can be broken. I want to thank the readers of my blog for their support and hope you'll stick with me through this journey of winning back my health, confidence and body.  I hope you look forward to vegetarian/pescatarian recipes, work out updates, health and weight loss updates, and general thoughts about my adventure. See you next time!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13